A Double Rainbow

I'm in Florida with my mom, and I'm learning that even the most ordinary scenes can make my head spin. 

I watched a group of eight teenage girls laughing and playing as they posed for pictures. They were carefree, completely caught up in the moment, and all I could think was, You were better than any one of those girls.

Sure, Lahela wasn't the typical, cookie-cutter Barbie-doll type. She was her own person-unique, unforgettable, and completely herself. She had dark hair and curves, and to me, she was beautiful. I know I'm the ever-biased mom, but I still believe she was beautiful. 

When we arrive in Florida, my mom and I join a drum circle on Sunday nights. It's one of those places where everyone is welcome. You can participate, dance, play, laugh, or simply sit back and watch. I wasn't expecting my emotions to overwhelm me. 

I noticed a toddler girl in the crowd, and she looked just like Lahela did at that age. 

I had to step away. 

I didn't want to cry in front of a group of strangers, so I walked toward the beach. The weather had been shifting all day-sunny, rainy, sunny again, then rainy. I thought that I could watch the sunset and collect myself. 

Then a man walking by told me, "Look up." I looked toward the sky, and there it was-a double rainbow. 

As I stood there looking up, a woman walking by glanced at the sky and then at me. With a smile, she exclaimed, "Isn't it wonderful?"

I just stood there taking it all in. 

When Lahela was alive, she would seek me out. She would run over, grab my hand, and excitedly say, "Mom! There's a rainbow! I know you love rainbows! Come see!" 

I knew exactly what I felt in that moment. It wasn't a question of whether it was a coincidence or simply the beauty of nature after a day of rain. I knew what that rainbow meant to me. I knew why my heart recognized it. Someone once told me that Lahela would send me rainbows as a sign that she is near. And standing there beneath that double rainbow, after having to walk away because seeing that little girl had broken my heart open, I felt her. 

I felt my baby girl knew that my heart was hurting. It was Lahela reaching for my hand. Like she gently nudged me and whispered, I'm still here, Mom. 

For me, that rainbow wasn't just a rainbow. And just for a moment, I allowed myself to believe that she was reminding me that this separation isn't forever. That somehow, someday, we will be together again.